


SPN Coda 15x03 - "The Rupture" (1)

by heylittleangel



Series: Supernatural Codas - Season 15 [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Castiel doesn't want to take shit anymore, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I miss the times where my codas were happy, Lots of Angst, M/M, a break-up too if you will, amirite?, and fixed Dean and Cas's relationship, but well, guilty!Castiel, so he's putting his foot down, suffering!Castiel, why not hurt ourselves more than the writers already do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-13 16:22:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21171899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heylittleangel/pseuds/heylittleangel
Summary: So, this episode was filled with tears, huh? Ketch, Row, Dean/Cas breakup. I don't even know how I managed to be able to write this coda. And it's angsty, like all the others I've written. Guess I'm having a thing for angst nowbutI'm thinking of writing a happy coda also for this ep, so, if I get enough time, there'll be another one posted later.





	SPN Coda 15x03 - "The Rupture" (1)

**Author's Note:**

> So, this episode was filled with tears, huh? Ketch, Row, Dean/Cas breakup. I don't even know how I managed to be able to write this coda. And it's angsty, like all the others I've written. Guess I'm having a thing for angst now _but_ I'm thinking of writing a happy coda also for this ep, so, if I get enough time, there'll be another one posted later.

After the ambulance with Ketch goes away, Castiel turns to look at Dean only to find him walking away, as he’s been doing ever since Chuck decided that it was time for The End. Castiel ponders between going after him or staying behind; something that’s starting to become almost a routine for him, a tireless routine. Castiel lets out a heavy breath, burying his hands in the pockets of his trenchcoat; such a humane gesture but one that Castiel can’t seem to be able to get rid of.

He sees Rowena and Sam walking away, talking together in whispered voices, and Belphegor going in the opposite direction, also with his hands on his pockets. Castiel can’t bear to look at him for a long time, turning his gaze to where Dean’s disappearing instead. He starts to walk in Dean’s direction slowly, almost dragging his feet as he does. He hasn’t had a chance to really talk Dean in months and Dean seems to always run away whenever Castiel tries to—which Castiel doesn’t doubt at all, knowing Dean as he does.

Doesn’t take him long before he catches up to Dean, standing a little behind as Dean fumbles in the Impala’s trunk, movements automatic. Castiel opens and closes his mouth a few times, not quite knowing what to say and always deciding against saying anything. If Dean notices him there, he doesn’t give Castiel a glance nor a sign of recognition at all; he keeps checking gun after gun, filling their chamber and cocking them before putting them in a duffel bag.

“Dean,” Castiel finally finds his voice, settling on only trying to catch Dean’s attention.

“Don’t start, Cas,” Dean doesn’t turn and his voice is flat and cold and emotionless, nothing like the Dean that Castiel is used to.

Castiel’s shoulders slump slightly. “I just want to talk, Dean.”

“I got nothin’ to talk about and I have things to do.” Dean grabs the duffel and closes the trunk before walking away, leaving Castiel alone.

Sighing, Castiel walks to the Impala and rests his back against her, head low as he swallows the lump in his throat, another humane gesture that Castiel can’t get rid of.

*******

The next time Castiel tries to talk to Dean is right after they set on a plan; Castiel’s supposed to go with Belphegor to Hell to get Lilith’s crook while Sam and Rowena perform the spell to close Hell’s Gates, and Dean will be waiting to throw Rowena’s hex bag in the rift. Dean’s already walking away when Castiel steps out of the chamber and he has to run to be able to catch Dean.

“Dean! Wait.” 

Dean’s steps don’t even falter and he keeps walking to wherever it is he’s going. Castiel sighs as he grabs Dean’s arm, forcing him to turn and face Castiel.

“What do you want, Cas?” Dean barely looks at him, voice bored.

Castiel hesitates, also not knowing what he wants. “I… I just want to talk, please.”

“We’ve got nothing to talk about and we’ve got a plan to follow. Whatever it is, leave it for later if we survive this.”

Dean pulls his arm out of Castiel’s grip and walks away, not sparing a look behind. Castiel stays frozen in his place, heart shattering as he watches Dean get farther and farther away; physically and emotionally, farther than he ever was. 

Castiel stands there for a few minutes, glaze unfocused, before Belphegor appears by his side, a bored expression on his face as he stares at Castiel.

“So, are we going or what?”

Castiel finally snaps out of his mind and he takes a shaky breath before turning and walking away, leaving Belphegor behind. He doesn’t need to check to know that the demon is following him and Castiel can only hope that he manages to get through with his part; the last thing he needs is another thing for Dean to blame him for.

*******

Castiel also tries to talk with Dean after the Gates close but he disappears before Castiel can even look for him. Sam’s still staring at where the earth was open moments ago, eyes filled with tears and shoulders shaking slightly as he tries to breathe. Castiel walks to him, stopping by Sam’s side and placing his hand on Sam’s shoulder, trying to offer what little comfort he can.

Sam tries to give him a thankful smile but it ends on a grimace as it faulters from Sam’s lips. Castiel lets his hand fall from Sam’s shoulder with a heavy sigh and they stay in silence until a set of footsteps approach, making both of them turn their heads to see Dean with duffels.

“Let’s go home.” Dean claps Sam’s shoulder and pushes him gently towards the Impala.

Castiel watches them walk away with a heavy feeling sinking in his chest, almost suffocating him. He starts to wonder where could _ he _ go. He doesn’t have Jack anymore, Hell’s closed, Heaven’s probably also closed if Castiel knows Naomi well enough, and it’s not as if he has a house of his own waiting for him. The only home he actually knows doesn’t feel like home anymore and he doesn’t think he’s welcome there anymore. No, scratch that, Castiel _ definitely knows _ he’s not welcome there.

He’s about to turn and walk in the other direction when Sam turns to him with a frown. “Cas? Aren’t you coming?”

Castiel opens his mouth, looking at Dean, who’s _ not _ looking at him, as usual, and tries to think what he should say. He closes his mouth and settles for a nod in Sam’s direction, but mostly because he doesn’t know what else to do.

Sam smiles softly at him, opening the passenger’s door of the Impala. Dean doesn’t look at Castiel as he places the duffels in the trunk and walks to the driver’s door. Castiel sighs, _ again _, and walks towards his truck, which, surprisingly, looks okay, without any scratches. At least one thing that Castiel can count as a win; those are lacking these last few months.

The Impala drives off before Castiel can turn the engine on, though he shouldn’t be surprised; Dean didn’t seem like he wanted Castiel to come along so it makes sense for him to just leave. And isn’t that what always happens between them? Always one of them leaving the other behind? Especially during the hard times.

Castiel takes a shaky breath before turning the engine on and following the Impala’s trail. He drives calmly, a lot more calmer than he actually feels, afraid of what may be waiting for him in the bunker. Will it be a locked door, giving him one more sign that he’s not welcome there? Or will it be the emptiness and sadness that had seemed to spread throughout the bunker during the last year? Whatever it is, Castiel knows he’s not going to like it and he’s not looking forward to getting in the bunker.

Which is why, when Castiel finally gets to the bunker, his footsteps are dragged and hard as he gets closer to the front door. His hand shakes as he raises it to open the door, settling on the doorknob for a while before he finally manages to gather enough courage to turn it and open the door. He sighs in relief when it does and he enters the bunker. It’s silent and cold and it has nothing from the normal cozy and homey feeling Castiel used to get from it.

He walks down the stairs, silently, and sees Dean pouring whiskey in a glass on the library. Dean’s already changed, in a new jeans and shirt, socks on his feet, and he takes a sip from his glass, his back to Castiel. He doesn’t seem to notice Castiel and Castiel’s almost afraid to let his presence be known. But he thinks that maybe, this time, he’ll be able to talk to Dean because Dean doesn’t have anywhere to run away now.

“How’s Sam?” He settles for the least hard question.

Dean turns to him, the muscle on jaw tightened, and walks towards the table between them. “Not great but what else could we expect?”

Castiel nods slightly, keeping his head slightly low and eyes raised to look at Dean; though Dean still avoids his. “I’m… I’m sorry about Rowena.”

“You’re sorry? You wouldn’t have to be sorry if you had stuck to the damn plan.” Dean’s eyes finally meet Castiel’s and they’re not the soft green Castiel used to see; they’re harsh and have so much pain and judgement inside of them that Castiel almost breaks their eye contact.

“I was trying to help, Dean. Belphegor was lying, he—”

“Belphegor’s a demon! What else did you expect from him?”

“He was using us, Dean, to get powerful enough to rule Hell. As he said, ‘God or close enough’. Maybe powerful enough to rule even Earth and Heaven.”

“Yeah, and we could’ve had figured it out _ after _ ! _ With _ Rowena!”

It was happening just like Castiel thought it would; he was being blamed for doing what he thought it was best, what he thought it was right to do to save his family.

“Something always goes wrong, Dean! The plan went wrong and I did what I had to, what I thought was right.”

Dean raises his head, hand gripping the edge of the table hard enough for Dean’s fingers to go white. “Yeah, you always do. Ever thought that maybe _ you’re _ the thing that always goes wrong?”

Castiel can’t even believe what he had just heard; it’s even worse than he thought it would. It hurt him in a way he couldn’t believe something could after Jack. It was too close to what he heard Belphegor say to him; it was what he thought about all the time and one of his greatest fears. And hearing it come from Dean, the one that always seemed to reassure Castiel that he was family… Castiel couldn’t even believe it.

He fights the tears that wanted to well up in his eyes. Dean seemed to swallow hardly, eyes avoiding Castiel’s.

“You used to trust me. Used to say I was family,” Castiel lets his head fall, trying to keep his voice from cracking, “And now? You can barely look at me.” Dean raises his head to look at Castiel, as if he’s trying to tell him wrong. “You know it’s true, Dean. I’ve been losing my powers and I tried to talk to you, but you just… You just don’t want to hear it. You would rather blame me, for everything. Mary, Jack. Do you also think I’m the guilty one for the souls that came out of Hell? That, somehow, I managed to force Chuck into doing it?”

“I never said that—”

“But you think about it. I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You seem to forget that I know how to read you. I’ve seen that look over the years as well and they were always directed towards the people you thought were guilty.”

Dean looks away but nods slightly, which is more than enough for Castiel to know he’s right. Castiel licks his lips and nods. “Guess there’s nothing left to say, then.”

He turns to walk away, inhaling shaky breaths. Dean’s voice stops him, “Where are you going?”

Castiel turns to him with the most deadpan expression he can master. “Why do you care, Dean?” Dean opens his mouth but closes it as Castiel shakes his head. “I’ve been trying to talk to you, about _ anything _ really, but mostly because I miss you. But you… you don’t want to hear it. And I don’t want to be blamed anymore, Dean, I _ can’t _. I don’t have anything or anyone anymore. You and Sam have each other, the world’s back to normal or as normal as it can be. I guess it’s time for me to move on. Because what other choice do I have?”

Hurt seems to pass through Dean’s eyes but Castiel turns before he can change his mind. He makes his way up the stairs, opening and closing the bunker’s door. He only lets himself break when he’s back in the car, tears running down his cheeks as silent and painful sobs come up his throat. Castiel has no idea what he’s supposed to do but he can’t stay here anymore. He needs to go somewhere, _ anywhere _ else.

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna, come talk to me on tumblr about this ep (or anything really, I like to talk)
> 
> As always, you can find me on [ tumblr](https://gii-heylittleangel.tumblr.com/)


End file.
